horrible, horrible writing

it occurs to me that i have been in somewhat of a post-fest the last few weeks. but oh well.

my topic today is bad writing. have you ever read a book with writing, especially dialogue, that makes you cringe...but you can't help loving the book anyway? this is my relationship with Shannon Drake's Ondine.  it was originally published in 1997, its a historical taking place in 1679, and is all but a bodice ripper.  actually, i believe there really is a bodice ripping scene in this book.  anyway, i honestly have to bite my tongue to keep from ranting about the horrible dialogue in this book.  let me give you a few examples.

"Alas, 'tis true.  I am doomed to languish here, an unhappy voyeur to the lovers' tension that steams betwixt the two of you.  Good night!  Leave me to my wine!"---page 113

"Ah, yes, milady!  The hand...when strongly leveled against the flech of the rump--the bare rump, that is--has long been known as a most satisfactory chastisement!"---page131

Warwick! Memory of his face, his touch, was all that came to her with that first light.  Had he been beside her, she might well have sighed with the complacent pleasure of a kitten and cast herself awestruck against him.--page 199

(you may have noticed, but there is a huge abundance of exclamation points in her writing.  they are everywhere.  everything is an exclamation.  it gives the impression that people are going around talking at the top of their lungs.  also, the dialogue gets even worse after they admit to their love for one another, as follows.)

"My lady wife, my love! Though I find this the greatest ecstasy ever offered in life, I beg that you not bring your hips so hard against me, nor torture so my flesh with the stirring beauty of rosebuds and cream mounds, else I shall not leave, but drown again my lover's sword in the velvet cloak of your body." ---page 367.

really?  really?!  lover's sword?  its so bad its comical.  takes all the heat out of the moment. 

there are also some memorable phrases, such as "So delicious the sensation! (pg365)"

anyway, its atrocious.  and yet...this is one of my favorite books.  isn't that ridiculous?  but the story behind the heinous writing is very good.  its the plot that i like.  and the characters are both so strong, and very equally matched.  i also like that it is told in 2 parts, one dealing with the hero's drama, and then the heroine's.  it balances, they both have issues and help each other through them.  

but anyway, anyone else have similar circumstances, or just want to share some godawful writing?  oh, and i would recommend this book (if you can find it) to those who want a bit of a giggle.  i couldn't help but laugh through every love scene.